1. |
Disclaimer
00:37
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There are hells on this earth I'll never know
I just find it helpful to sing about my own
So I'm sorry if I'm too up my own
I am sorry if this is horrible
I am sorry if this is uncomfortable
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2. |
Motel Song
07:09
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My mom tried to sell my dads car
To a couple of drug dealers
We were living in a motel at time
And I was in my moms room by time they arrived
I heard shouting right outside
There were two men there ready to fight
And my dad
Punched the mans head into the door
And I watched from the other side as blood pooled onto the floor
And I heard my brother say to the second man to sit down and shut the fuck up
But the first mans head made a cracking sound, that must be deep blood
Dark, thick and crimson, that must be the blood that makes his brain run
And since that day my family likes to joke about it
They like to joke about what a bitch the first man was and is
But the first mans head made a cracking sound, that must be deep blood
And I sat inside watching blood pool on the linoleum
I was just in first grade, I don’t know how to clean this up
I just went back to playing spongebobs revenge of the Flying Dutchman
But kept on hearing that cracking sound and seeing all that blood
In an extended stay sometime, somewhere in 2002
It’s all a dream, it’s all a dream that I ought to be leaving
It’s all a dream, it’s all a dream that I ought to be leaving
It’s all a dream somewhere, sometime in 2002
It’s all a dream, it’s all a dream that I ought to be leaving
It’s all a dream, it’s all a dream that I ought to be leaving
(Somewhere, sometime, in the back of my mind)
I can wake wake up whenever I’d like, I’d like to stop dreaming
(Somewhere, sometime, when I cannot find)
It’s all a dream, it’s all a dream that I ought to be leaving
It’s all a dream, it’s all a dream that I ought to be leaving
I can wake wake up whenever I’d like, I’d like to stop dreaming
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3. |
Fate
03:00
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Ever since I was born
The coffee grounds and the tea leaves
They all said I was to die
A tragic and young death for me
Oh, a tragic and young death for me
Every star in the night sky
Is raining down onto me
Every magic 8 ball I ever shook
All said that I’d be no good
They said I’d be no good
All of the the tarot, and sunflower seeds
My mother made a star chart of my astrology
They all say I’m a bastard, I know
So to the depths of hell I’ll go
So to the depths of hell I’ll go
I was told my life line’s pretty weak
And I’m sure I’ve got death my cheek
No scrying can help fix me
Cause I know where I’m supposed to be
Oh, I know where I’m supposed to be
Call it destiny or fortune telling
All I know is I’ve bought what you’re selling
There’s only so much shit you can see
Before you give into apathy
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4. |
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“I was once a sweet kid
But there are no photos of me smilin”
My mother told me over the phone when I was baring my soul
About the vague feeling in my life that I had been sodomized
And I feel so fucking gross, why'd they not find blood in my clothes?
How’d they not see how I was? Scared and avoidant of being touched
You went in and out of admitting
Terrible things you had done to me
And to think of all the terrible things
I would do if I could get my hands on to you, I would do if I only knew
Where you sleep and where you dream
Where you’re hiding from me
I would run to the ends of world
To give you the pain I think you deserve
I would have been a sweeter kid if someone was there to fuck me everyday of my life
And were you nice? Did you kiss my lips? Did you hope that I’d keep them tight? And were you kind? Did you tuck me into bed? Did you hope that I’d keep it in my head?
Was I good? Did I fulfill all your dreams? Was I just what you needed ?
And I would tear you limb from limb just for the crime of hurtin' kids
But when I’d see the pain in your eyes I’d feel nothin
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5. |
[...] Pt. 2
02:49
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Nothin' you can say that would make it all okay
There’s nothin' you can do that would make any of this good
Sometimes you get fucked as a kid and sometimes you can’t get over it
And sometimes I just gotta cry and sometimes I... sometimes I...
Think I’m getting over it and images come flooding back
Again and again and again and again
And I feel so fuckin' sick and I feel like I’m gonna quit and
Sometimes people put their lips where you don’t want a kiss and
Sometimes someone puts a dick where you don’t want a dick there
Sometimes I just gotta hurt myself, sometimes I wanna kill myself
Sometimes I just want slam my head, sometimes I just want to be dead
But I got remember that some people love me and that they are cheering
That I can do it that I can pull through it
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6. |
Love Rose
01:32
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Oh, love rose or a pizzo
Nature blew and rain knew
A couple to sell it to
For five bucks or so
So I could take the train home
Make sure you got some Brillo, things that I didn’t need to know
things that I didn’t need to know
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7. |
I’d Shoot Myself
03:58
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Sometimes I like to imagine violence
As a form of punishment for what I am
But sometimes the fire spreads throughout my head
And I actually want to hurt myself instead
So I’ll push poison all through my veins
Just so I can be no one to blame
I’ll drown myself wrapped up in chains
And I’ll drag myself through fire and through flames
It’s just the way that I was raised to be
Uncomfortable with just existing
So any time I make a mistake
I’m my head, unfortunately I say
I’d shoot myself again and again
Just so that I can be forgiven
I’d shoot myself again and again
I’d shoot myself right in the head
I’d throw myself right off a cliff
I’d push nine inch nails right through my skin
So you could know how sorry I am
Just for you I’d shoot myself again
And again
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8. |
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How many years will it be till I can tear off your bones like the branch of a tree?
Till I can pull the skin right off of your cheek
and stretch your lips for a kiss for me?
And breathe new breath into your casket
And speak my mind about how I have been damaged by you
And How many years will it be till I can pull the venom right out of your teeth
Till I can break your spine and count your rings
So I can see what’s poisoning me
And how many years will it be
Till I can pick the lock you made out of me
Till I break the chains that bind me to thee
So I can be free
But I’ll be alright, yes I’ll be just fine
I just needed a moment to cry, I just needed a moment to whine
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9. |
My Body Knows The Score
01:34
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My body knows the score
And I am a couple pages short
My body knows the score
And I’m in debt for sure
If my life was given away
And I was reborn
my body’d know the score
A hole I just can’t ignore
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10. |
Dirt
04:18
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I dig my hands into the dirt, into the earth, into the depths
I press my head to Mother Earth, “congregate to me” so I am close to her
I’ll lay right here for a while, lay for a time, the dirt is fine
I have no ability to separate me from me, me from me
I have no nobility, I came from nothing
just as my father, just as his father
I came as wood, I came as kindling, just for the burning
Just for the heat, to clean wretch like me
But now I come as mud, I come as the binding, just for the building
Just for the beams, for the roof that I seek
I came as one, I came from deceit but I came to believe
That I can be wonderful things
Now I come just for me,
Not just for the heat, just to be more than the dirt I see
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11. |
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Every time I smell certain chemicals
I think of heroin
I think of black tar drippin down my walls as a kid
I think of piss on the floor
Adults in my home shooting up and stealing all my shit
And my mom once fed me her scripts
So she could use my piss and pass a test
Cause I’d come up clean no traces of meth
Cause I’d come up clean no traces of meth
Won’t you please be kind to me?
Won’t you shine some light on me?
Cause pretty things seldom do
Oh no, pretty things rarely do
Cause pretty things seldom do
Oh no, pretty things rarely do
Every time I hear a certain voice
Strung up and energetic
Or I see a middle aged blond woman
I think of my mom and I’m scared shitless
It happens at work, it happens at school, it happens at home, it happens when I’m completely alone
Won’t you be nice to me?
Won’t you spend time with me?
Cause pretty things seldom do
Oh no, pretty things rarely do
Every time I feel hands on my back
Or I meet a certain kind of older fat man
I think of my baby sitters, I think of vivid dreams I never considered
Of men holding me to the ground, of men pulling my pants down
Was I not invited to the part where they treat us nice?
Was I not excited enough to enjoy my life?
Was I not invited to the part the teach us how to feel alright?
Was I not invited to the part where I don't get treated like a human flesh light?
Won’t you protect me?
Won’t you please not bruise me?
Won’t you keep me safe?
Won’t you please not hurt me?
Cause pretty things seldom do
Oh no, pretty things rarely do
Cause pretty things seldom do
Oh no, pretty things rarely do
Cause pretty things seldom do
Oh no, pretty things rarely do
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12. |
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... The difference I can't tell
Will the circle be unbroken?
By and by, oh, by and by
There's a better life awaitin'
In due time, in due time
Will the circle be unbroken?
By and by, oh, by and by
There's a better life awaitin'
In due time, in due time
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Marcus Koncar (r. Candall Lark) Salt Lake City, Utah
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